Just Call Me Mommy

Good God, What is that?

2009-01-26T09:21:00.000-08:00

Ever open a diaper and think, "How can so much poop come out of such a small child?"

Go Here.... Please

2008-09-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

Check me out here

Thinking Out Loud

2008-08-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

Okay I have to admit some jeaously here.

And here...

Basically you can put any kick ass blogger there and I'm pea-green with envy.

I want that so bad!! How do I get it? What do I have to do? Which organ do I have to sell?

I'm tossing around the idea of starting a new blog or maybe just changing the format of this one... Maybe a new tag line or layout. And the content, maybe I need to open up more, be more personal. I know I definitely need to post more... What do you think? Hmmmm????

And it continues...

2008-07-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

Today I received an email from my sister lashing out at me. Among her chosen words were: I am a horrible mother, I live in squalor, my husband is a worthless piece of crap, I use my Mother, etc etc...

It was heartbreaking for her to say those words, because once you say words like that, once you said words that break hearts (and relationships) you can never take them back.

The relationship I've shared with my sister has been fragile from the start. She called me a whore when I was 14 once (an undeserving title) and for years we didn't have a relationship. When I married at 20 to a man I truly passionately loved, she was bitterly jealous b/c her own marriage (forced upon by an unplanned pregnancy) was falling apart.

She never shared my achievements in life, especially when I surpassed everyone's expectations. She was always green with envy and making snide comments about me behind my back. She was unstable where I was strong. She was shy when I was outgoing.

Indeed, I was the black sheep of the family (a title I do deserve). My parents were hard on her, easy on me. And I know she resented it, she resented me.

A few years back, I decided to open up to her again. Let her be my big sister, we emailed each other all the time, I set her up on dates after her divorce, we lived a mere mile from one another. I helped with her kids, we swapped books, we were sisters.

But underneath it all, I knew it wasn't all there.

And today, it sealed the deal... we are never going to be the sisters you read about in books. We went going to have the kind of relationship I wanted or needed.

Today she broke my heart again. And it's my fault for letting her anywhere near it...

So I will mourn her tonight... and when I wake in the morning I will be bitter and closed off about it.

Now, I must go be that horrid mother everyone's calling me... ta ta.

A Letter Unpublished

2008-07-16T17:04:00.001-07:00

Letter Unpublished

Dear Mom,

Today’s conversation with you was a turning point for me. Before this tête-à-tête, I held you high on a pedestal. You were my Mom, someone that I looked up to, someone I desperately wanted to impress.

Today’s conversation changed everything.

It was brought to light that you were unhappy with me, with my situation in life and my chosen path. You clearly stated you thought I was involved with illicit doings, a horrible mother and married to a regretful man. Those words, words I never thought to hear from my own mother, stung deep and still sting to this very second. I’ve always envisioned a perfect relationship with you, fooling myself into thinking there were no underlining… Boy, was I wrong. I always did my best to ignore the snippy comments about my husband. Today, I can ignore them no longer.

My relationship with my husband is my own, so I would never ask you to understand it. All you really need to know is I love him, he loves me. We are happy.

As far as me being a bad mother, how dare you. More deceitful words have never been spoken. I am a fabulous mother to my daughter. I love her more than words can describe, and while you believe I am not, shame on you… shame on you.

Regarding your “disappointment in me” I want to tell you that you should stop. Stop being disappointed in me. I want to tell you that you should be proud of what I’ve accomplished. Be proud of the fact that I graduated college. Be proud that I had a great job for many years, that I married for love and seven years later brought a beautiful baby girl into the world. I want to tell you that while you may be disappointed in me, I am not disappointed in myself. I have achieved many great things on my own and I am happy, so happy. I will continue to be successful. I will not let your negative words drag me down. I will continue to thrive and because of your pessimistic attitude, you will not know.

Our relationship is irrevocably damaged.

Things will never be the same and I am sorry. You will miss out some spectacular moments in my life.

I Call B.S.

2008-06-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

Today was swimming along perfectly. I made homemade waffles for breakfast, I played with Roo and JB. Everything was making it out to be a perfect Sunday.

Then I checked my email.

And was slapped with a full inbox of bickering and fighting and friendship ending.

So I clicked on the email that started it all with a warning from my best friend, B. It said: Be Warned.

I should've just deleted it all.

Since the Girls Night Out, I've received two emails from T and I choose not to respond to them b/c I wasn't sure how I wanted to handle it all. Yesterday, after annoying the hell out of my husband, I decided I would answer her with a cool, calm reserve. I was going to chuck all that crap she talked under the rug and act like it never happened.

Then I read the email from B and it all disappeared. T, had decided to launch an attack against myself, B and K. Full on out calling us liars and bullshitters. It was a long, rambling letter full of grammatical errors that drove me batty.

Apparently this tirade started yesterday and while B was working, she and T, had it out, all while cc'ing myself and K.

It was made very clear in these emails that T, hates us, thinks we're full of shit and that I am a bad person for the decisions I've made in my life. She even had the nerve to drag my husband and I's relationship into this.

This is where I hit the brakes... this is where I get mad... not just mad, steaming mad. So mad I'm about to get in my truck and drive to her house and cause physical harm mad.

Everyone knows my feelings about my relationship. That's simply it: It's MY relationship. I've told everyone not to bother trying to figure out my relationship with my husband b/c you will NEVER understand! You are not me, you are not him, so butt out. I never try to get into someone else's relationship b/c I believe it is sacred. It is theirs and theirs own. K and B understand this.

T never has understood anything.

So I respond to her email, simply b/c you attack my family, I attack you. Any mother knows this code, we all follow it.

The bitch closed her email account.

She lashes out at me, about being a horrid friend, a bullshitter, a backstabber, a basically all around piece of crap, and she runs and hides before I can respond. I was running for the truck again when my husband stopped me and convinced me getting thrown in jail wouldn't be a wise idea since he only has $10 in his pocket.

I agreed.

It just kills me that she's all pissed off b/c she can't grasp how the friendship K, B and I have works. Egh, it's not even worth it anymore.

So, I'm going to mourn this friendship as for the same amount of time that she took to distroy it.

And go...

Done.

Seriously, I'm done.

Guilty Mommy

2008-06-26T18:25:00.000-07:00

Today while I was piling shavings (for the horse stalls) into the back of the golf cart, Roo was running around the area doing what she normally does.

Playing with the chain on the gate: Check.

Smooshing shavings between fingers: Check.

Running away from Mommy: Check.

It always takes me ten times longer to fill the cart when she's with me. It takes me so long because everytime I turn around, she runs away.

But that's not the point of this story. The point of today's story is that while I was working, Roo climbed into the golf cart and began to play with all the no-no stuff that's stored in the cubby-holes. With every scoop of shavings, I was calling out to her to be careful (Yeah, I know she's only 15 months and DOES NOT understand what I'm saying, but it makes me feel better). After a few shouts, I noticed she had stood up and was eyeing the ground.

Being me, I dropped the shovel mid-scoop and went her way... but apparently I am not fast enough, she tumbled off the golf cart before I could get to her... and slammed her head into the metal gate.

BAM!

Oh, she hit the ground and CRIED CRIED CRIED.

I felt sooo bad! I knew what was going to happen, but I was too damned slow to get to her in time. :( Now my baby has a deep purple bruise on her cheek (right by her eye!!). She was so upset and so was I.

I always get this was when she falls (and she FALLS). I know it's the way of a child, they're exploring unknowingly and accidents happen... I know this, but it doesn't stop my guilt at not being there for her.

She stopped crying after 15 minutes and let me hold her and cuddle with her.

Another 15 minutes later, she was pushing a broom around the barns without a care in the world.

Atleast she recovers nicely.

The Barter System

2008-06-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

My husband is a pro at the old barter system. He is so good at it, he can take a soft shell turtle and turn it into a running vehicle (Yes, he's done this). Since I'm not working a paying job, he offered to give me a running 302 V8 engine to barter and trade to get what I've got my eye on.

What I have my eye on is a Canon EF 24-105L F/4 lens for my 5D... if you google it, it is not cheap and I need it! I do, I swear I do. :)

So I have this engine and I have no idea where to start. He's busy with so many things I hate to ask him to stop what he's doing to make a deal for me. I guess I'll craigslist it and see what hits I get.

Wish me luck.

Obessed with a Tushy

2008-06-11T12:04:00.000-07:00

Is it a bad thing to love my daughter's tushy?

A Straw?

2008-06-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

I was a bad Mommy today. I forgot to bring your sippy cup with us when we went out this morning (I swear, I am always forgetting something). So when I stopped for lunch at Chik-fil-a I bought you a juice box to go with your nuggets (Like a good Mommy, I got fruit instead of french fries... props to me!).

I honestly didn't think you'd would drink it... but you proved me wrong! You took to drinking from a straw like a champ!! Of course, it made me sad b/c it's another sign that you are growing up too fast! Pretty soon you won't need me. :(

:)

Pissed Off At A So Called "Friend"

2008-06-09T11:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have two best girlfriends who I've been best friends with for over ten years. We've gone through everything together, ups and downs, lots of fights, lots of love, etc... Over a year ago, we decided to include a friend of a friend b/c she wanted some closer girlfriends.

At the time, I was thrilled. I did my best to include this friend. But try as I might she was uncomfortable with the dynamic that myself and two other friends had created. She felt left out, wanted us to always be there to make it all better and whatnot. When we had huge get togethers, parties, whatever, she wanted us to stick by her side and do everything for her. Make the conversation and whatnot.

Now, I know I sound bad. But in my defense, I tried really hard. But our huge group of friends doesn't roll that way. We don't send out professional invites to our parties (we go with word of mouth), we don't cater to certain needs or wants. We believe that if you want something, do it. If you want to be included, come over. If you need something, take it! This sort of realtionship we all share works for us, it's taken us ten years to perfect it and it works!

The three of us are so understanding of each other and we know our ins and outs, we know the other's SO, we just know everything... and I admit, that's hard to break into...but I tried to help her fit in... it was just so time consuming, it took so much energy...

And on top of everything... when I was with this "friend" she immediately would start bitching about the other girls and vice versa. It was such an emotional drain to be around her.

The breaking point was our girls night out last Friday... I finally managed to build up the strength to go out for a night without my baby girl. So myself and one of the best friends, K, rode together and the "friend," T, rode with the other best friend, B.

Myself and K had dinner and caught up on everything, we were having sooooo much fun. And then the others show up and immediately we feel a tension building. Which sucks b/c I don't like having tension with my best friends... and it was only b/c of her. Inside I felt I had to let her monopolize B b/c I know she's not the best fan of K. So K and I sat together and talked letting them do their thing.

We went to see a movie and during the movie, T sat between me and B, which sucks b/c I like sitting next to B so she and I can gossip.

Is this confusing yet?

Anyways, after our movie we all stood around and chit chatted, but yet again there was this tension. Parting ways, I knew knew T would talk about me... and today I got the emailing confirming it.

The email also confirmed that I wasn't the only one feeling the tension and the three of us decided that we weren't going to includeT in any of our plans anymore... It's too much and while we decided if she were at a group event (very unlikely), that we wouldn't ignore her... but she shouldn't be involved in any of our girls nights... She pushes us apart when we don't want that...

So I'm just irritated that we tried so hard... and the end result sucks.

But we tried, god, did we try...

Girls Night Out

2008-06-07T11:19:00.000-07:00

Last night we had a girls night out... complete with Mommy Guilt!!

I met up with one of my girlfriends last night and we went to dinner at a great pizza place in Lake Mary. As always, we chit chatted about everything under the sun (and then some). It was fabulous. She and I can talk, talk, talk and talk! And we did. Afterwards, we met up with two other friends and headed to the movies to see SEX AND THE CITY!!

I am a die-hard fan of SATC. I am guilty of having watch the ENTIRE series numerous times and I still watch the edited versions on TV sometimes. I've watched it so much, my husband even knows the story lines.

Two out of the three friends had never seen an episode, so I was quite excited to see the movie with them and share it with them.

And let me tell you... it did not disappoint!

The movie was F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S.

I laughed, I cried, I laughed some more... and cried some more.

It had everything I wanted in a movie. Nothing pleases me more than a movie that takes me on an emotional roller coaster, complete with gasps of shock and sadness. I love becoming involved with characters and experiencing their world.

Happily, my two friends enjoyed it a lot and were pleased with the movie.

Score!

Of course, the whole time I was gone I missed my daughter like crazy. I hadn't been without her for that long in... well, never!! The minute the movie let out I was heading home, skipping all the b.s.ing we normally do when we all get together. I needed to see my girl and make sure she wasn't hexing me for leaving her.

After getting home and running through the house, ignoring the dogs and anyone else in my way, I found her watching cartoons with Daddy and when she saw me... she gave me the biggest smile... I admit it, I'm a sap, I cried I was so happy to see her.

I'm a sucker for her, can't help it. :)

So my first official girls night out went well... I'm glad I did it... Of course, who knows when I'll be able to pull myself away to do it again. Maybe in 10 years?

:)

The No Name Post

2008-06-04T12:35:00.000-07:00

I think I'm just going to ramble... b/c I don't really have anything important to say today.

I guess this whole global warming thing isn't a myth b/c it's damn hot in Florida already. Normally it doesn't get this hot this quick. When I say hot, I mean so damn hot that it takes the time from when you leave the door to your truck that your makeup has already rolled off your face. This makes for driving a truck without a/c horrible.

Of course putting your feet in your daughter's kiddie pool while she splashes around can quickly cool you down. :)

I bought Roo new splash toys today while at Walgreens... and of course the hubby insisted we buy this super soaker gun thing for him to irritate the dogs with. As well as more diapers, razors, toothbrushes, soap, playing cards, candy and more. I swear, Walgreens is my new Wally World.

What else...

Nothing... sorry this post is so lame.

First Kiss

2008-06-01T13:36:00.000-07:00

The first time I kissed my husband it wasn't planned.

The kiss took place in a hospital room that my husband, then best friend, occupied after experiencing heart trouble the night before. The night before while out with friends, Mr. Me had a heartrate of our 200 beats per minute. I remember getting that phone call from a friend that he was on his way to the hospital. I was so anxious and nervous and... scared.

The next day while visiting him, he was sitting there in his hospital gown trying so hard not to be embarassed about his attire that I put my arms around him... and kissed him. It wasn't planned. I honestly didn't think about him in that kind of light... but I saw him and just knew, knew I had to kiss him... So I did.

I still get butterflies just thinking about it... about him. And it's been over 10 years.

*sigh*

No Movie For Me... Yet

2008-05-31T14:01:00.000-07:00

May I just say it is sooo frustrating that I have not yet seen the new Sex and the City movie! It's everywhere! It's on my TV, on my computer, I even believe it's on the radio!!!! And I am one of the biggest fans of that series... and I haven't seen it :(

At least I have my reruns on TBS.

Headaches

2008-05-29T11:07:00.001-07:00

Headaches Suck.... big time.

:(

I wanted to post more, but my head is kicking like Jackie Chan. You understand, right?

Summertime Memories

2008-05-24T13:22:00.000-07:00

For most people, summertime is marked by warm weather rolling in after long wintery days or the sight of everything changing from stark boring white to vibrant colors. For me, summertime is marked by the calendar and nothing else... simply because I am lucky enough to live in Florida, the Sunshine State, where it is always summer... always.

But I love it... absolutely love it. Love it so much I refuse to leave.

A cool new website I found (new to me) The Parents Bloggers Network and Huggies are teaming up and encouraging families to share their favorite summertime memories (sorry about the links, I'm a tech failure). So I thought I'd share with you my favorite memory.

It happens pretty much everyday, and when I say everyday, I mean everyday (good thing it's cute, huh?). My daughter is a Pieces symbol and it rings true for her. She spies water, she's after it like a shot out of a cannon. Her favorite toy of choice: the hose. So everyday after we finish cleaning the horse stalls, I change her into her Huggies Swimmer Pants and we wander over to her favorite wash rack (yes, it's clean!!). The second she catches a glimpse of the hose she starts to toddle as fast as her chubby little legs will let her and she snatches the hose up. She gestures to me with the hose, her eyes pleading with me to TURN IT ON NOW!!!! I happily oblige and the fun begins! She giggles and screams joyfully as the water splurges out and all over her.

Normally, I try to keep out of the line of fire but her happiness is so infectious that you can't help but join in. She splishes and splashes until the sun is about to dip below the horizon line and she is carried away to warm up.

These memories of her, I keep close to my heart and add them to my Never Want To Forget compartment... simply b/c I never want to forget these special summertime memories.

Idiot

2008-05-24T13:20:00.000-07:00

Please help me... how the hell do you link stuff in your posts?? I learned a long time ago, but can't find my notes...

Please!

Writing Prompt

2008-05-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

I snagged this from www.writersdigest.com in an effort to fuel my creativity and jump start my writing.

Forrest Gump once said, "Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get." What is writing like? Write a simile that starts with the phrase, "Writing is like ... ."

Writing is like...

A blissful, dreamy, orgasmic feeling for me. When I am able to pen words that flow graciously one after the other to create a complete sentence that evokes emotion, I feel like I can conquer the world! Writing empowers me, gives me control... I can take two people and make them fall in love, fight, take over the world, anything I want. And in a world where I barely have control over my life, writing is my perfect escape.

:)

Hopefully these will get better as I find my creative juices.

Life Without Dr. Pepper

2008-05-23T10:30:00.001-07:00

So, I'm attempting it... again.

No Dr. Pepper for me is not going well (it never does). I've got a headache that is kicking like Jackie Chan and I want to crawl under my bed and hide.

The only reason I'm quitting is b/c it's bad for me... and I tend to drink them like water and end up consuming way too many calories than needed.

Why isn't this easy?

Klutzy Mama = Klutzy Baby

2008-05-22T18:43:00.000-07:00

Roo fell again in the barn and smacked her head into the concrete floor...

It sounds bad... it was bad... I feel like a bad parent b/c she falls a lot. The culrprit this evening was her shoes, they're too big for her. She was wearing the big shoes b/c she hid one of her pink jelly shoes (and I still haven't found it) and I didn't want her walking around without shoes. When she fell, I felt like I wasn't quick enough to pick her up. I just feel bad.

She's got a purple bruise smack in the middle of her forehead... the poor child.

Bad Mommy.

Things I Never Want To Forget

2008-05-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Roo,

I never want to forget the little things, so I'm going to write them down so I'll always have something to look back on and remember you just as you are right now.

Your new things is when we shower you insist, insist, on having every single bottle of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, baby shampoo and baby soap in your lap. This means there's piles on bottles in the way of me bathing you. If I dare move one of these colorful bottles, you point, squirm and demand until I hand each and everyone back to you.

It's the cutest thing...

I love you.

Mom

I Need Support

2008-05-21T12:25:00.000-07:00

There are a few things I want to change about myself... and honestly, I use to be a stickler about my healthy, my exercise and my daily habits. But I've just grown lazy... lazy lazy lazy. And I'm not sure how to get out of this rut. Every once in awhile I'll get inspired and I'll go run or I'll give up the soda for a day or two... and then I get stubborn and childish and say: I'm an adult. I can do what I want.

God, I used to be soooo disciplined! I would run everyday, rain or shine. I wouldn't drink soda b/c it was soooo bad for me. I wouldn't do it!! And now I am.

Now I'm drinking at least two dr. pepper's a day, running maybe once a week. Granted, up until a month ago I was doing good. No soda and running three miles at least three times a week. But once we moved it became hard. Hard because I don't live in an ideal area for running. Hard b/c my husband buys a dr pepper for me everyday...

I know, I know... excuses.

Suck it up Su...

Well, I ran on Monday... and I'm going to run today.

And I'm drinking my last dr pepper of the day.. maybe for the week?

I just need support and right now, I'm not getting it from my hubby b/c he's dealing with weight issues of his own... Not only do I need support, I need strength. It's got to be buried in here somewhere (I think it's under all the baby weight).

Help!

Addicted To Brownies

2008-05-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

I. Am. Addicted. To. Brownies.

Soda.

My Daughter.

My Husband.

Yes, in that order... ha ha, just kidding.

:)

Add tacky reality shows too.

One Tree Hill

2008-05-19T18:14:00.001-07:00

I used to be a huge fan of One Tree Hill... I still am in some ways. I still watch it every week and I still watch it (almost) every day on SoapNet when the baby is asleep. And let me just say: I'm a Peyton and Lucas fan.

My problem with the show lately is that it's BORING!!!! I mean, I just can't get into the storylines. I honestly don't care about Brooke's quest to become a mother, the Nathan and Hailey storyline kills me and Mouth isn't any bit exciting.

What happened?

What happened to the show that use to pull me in, tangle me in their dramatic storylines and leave me (literally) begging for more?

Maybe if tonight's season finale gives me what I want (Lucas and Peyton happily together) I'll have my faith in the show renewed... maybe.

Night.

Reasons I Love My Hubby

2008-05-18T12:16:00.000-07:00

Reasons I Love My Hubby

This list belongs to me, so therefore I reserve the write to change, delete, revise and update this list as many times as I want.

Not in any particular order....

He rubs my feet and back when I ask.
When we rent videos, he lets me watch mine first b/c he knows I'll fall asleep if we watch mine second.
He took a second chance.
He'll stop whatever he is doing to hug me.
He understands me.
He tolerates my sudden outbursts of singing and occasional dance.
He saves the pink Starbursts for me.
He lets me watch Sex and the City, repeatedly.
He pays me $1 per stall to put shavings in them.
He gave me Ava.
He lets me drive.
He is a wonderful man.
He said he'd buy me a cow... just because I want one.
He tolerates me waking him up at 800am, even if he went to bed at 530am.
He makes me things instead of buying me things.
He answers every questions I ask of him, no matter how stupid.
He puts up with my Mother.
He makes me happy.
He makes Ava happy.

:)

Bored Bored Bored.

2008-05-16T10:07:00.000-07:00

So I'm Bored... and broke. What a fabulous combination, huh?

On another note... Miss RooBob did a lot of rolling around in the bed last night and once ended up under Mr. SuZ's legs (how, no clue) and another time she was up against the headboard under a pillow.

Huh?

So we think it's time to get her back into her crib... something I'm not too happy about, but would hate for another night like last night to happen. So right now she's in her crib taking a nap, and I guess tonight I'll put her in the crib and pray she'll sleep.

The thing is she is such a mover in her sleep. She rolls all over the place all night long.

Egh, I imagine tomorrow I'll be exhausted.

I'll let you know.

I Hope I Never Forget

2008-05-15T11:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Roo,

You are laying beside me in bed, all soft tanned skin and crazy blonde hair up in the hair... and everytime I look at you, all I want to do is give you kisses and pinch your toes. But what strikes me most, is when I look at you, I get this amazing twinge in my stomach and my heart just... clenches with how much I love you. It's utter bliss when this happens, and let me tell you, it happens a LOT! When your sweet little feet are slapping against the tile in the kitchen...when you're sitting in your swing and as you pass by you give me a smile that screams out how happy you are... when you roll over in bed and snuggle up next to Daddy and pat his back... when you cry out my name when things don't go your way.

Each and every moment of your life gives me that chill, that undeniable chill of love that starts in your toes and makes your nose itch... and god, I hope I never forget this feeling.

Love,
Mommy

Ode To Chocolate Raisins

2008-05-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

Ode To Chocolate Raisins
So Yummy and Sweet
You Melt in My Mouth

Until I eat all of you?

I've never been any good at poetry... Actually, I don't get it, never have... Me, an English Major. HA. Don't tell my professors that one!

Anyways, I've been thinking lately about what to do with my future. I want to do something to help people. I want to go back to school and continue my education, get my graduate degree in... something. Originally I was going to go back to Rollins and get my masters in liberal studies, but honestly, I already have a degree I'm not doing anything with... and I'm afraid if I went back for that, which I do want, I don't think it would lead to a profitable job. I mean, look at how our economy is! I can't get a job with the degree I have, who would hire me with a Masters in Liberal Studies?

My dream job is teaching... teaching creative writing at a community college. UCF has a creative writing masters, but... but...

The idea of nursing went through my mind, specifically pediatrics. But my husband told me (and I agree) that he doesn't know if I could handle not becoming attached and when something bad happen, it would devastate me... and it would, god, it would...

So he suggested law... and it would be helpful to the community. It would... but would I be any good at it? And another thing is, there are no decent law schools around here, closest I found was Gulfport... and that's too far, unless we move the family.

I really do want to go back to school, but first I need to figure out what for.

Any suggestions?

And So It Begins

2008-05-13T12:18:00.000-07:00

Sunday night I made a decision... to give up soda (yes, again).

And today is day 2 without it... and do I ever miss my yummy, sweety goodiness. I miss it so much that my mouth waters just thinking about it. My dear husband isn't sticking it out with me, as he is drinking down a huge super gulp full of dr. pepper... bastard.

Yesterday was okay... my headache didn't hit me until right before bed and today it's kicking like Jackie Chan. I downed two tylenol in effort to head it off, so maybe I'll get lucky and not have to deal with it. Caffeine withdrawl headaches are the worst.

Ops

2008-05-11T10:48:00.003-07:00

Okay, so my "goal" of posting more was derailed for a few days... but in my defense (!): I am a mom and I am T.I.R.E.D.

:)

Anyways, Happy Mother's Day!! Mine is going fabulously. My (dear) hubby let me sleep in until 930am!!! Then he brought me Eistein Bagels (YUM!) and surprised me with a pair of pink rubber boots (to clean stalls in) and a flower sculpture out of iron. Plus I got two cards, one from him that sings "Unchained Melody" (the first song we ever danced to 10 years ago) and one from my Roo, that she actually signed herself (more like scribbles, but I love it!). I felt sooo loved.

Later today Roo and I are going to play in the pool and then we're all having a BBQ and hopefully the wind dies down a bit so we don't get blown away.

Yay!

Hope your day was as "kick ass" as mine!

Ops

2008-05-11T10:48:00.001-07:00

Okay, so my "goal" of posting more was derailed for a few days... but in my defense (!): I am a mom and I am T.I.R.E.D.

Yay for Playdates!

2008-05-07T13:02:00.000-07:00

Roo Bob and I had a playdate with some library buddies today and had a blast! It was fun chasing Roo around the playground equipment and noting all the changes in her since the last time we were there. Before she woddle around and held back, not anymore!! Now she runs around and tries to climb and crawl all over everything. She's adventurous now! It's so cute...

Plus it was so nice to hang out with another Mom, especially one with a baby so close to Roo's age. It's great to compare notes and see how has accomplished what and what to expect and tips! Oh, I love the tips!!

We had so much fun we've already planned a playdate for next Monday!

Tomorrow is yet another playdate, but the best thing about tomorrow is: WE ARE GOING TO THE BEACH!!!

It's been a year since we've been and I'm dying to get my toes in the hot hot sand. Our friend has a beach house and kindly invited us to come and play.

I can't wait.

I Think I Can

2008-05-06T10:58:00.000-07:00

I Think I Can... I Think I Can.

UPDATE!

I'm trying to keep up with my updates here. I've been slacking majorly due to exhaustion, but now that my little nugget of a child is sleeping better I'm feeling a little more alive (with the help of a soda or two).

So what's new with me, you ask?

Well, I'm having issues with my thyroid. Seems the damn thing was enlarged so after a blood test my doctor decided to put me on medicine (and you know I hate taking any sort of medicine) to try and get it under control. Of course I've been researching on the internet about thyroid problems and I keep reading that this whole thing will make me overweight... like I'm not already? Of course I've read that some people use the medicine the doc put me on to lose weight.

It's all so confusing.

My doctor is old and crusty (damn insurance) and he wasn't a big help with all of my quesions. Would it be so hard to find a great doctor who knows all the answers and doesn't take four hours to see? Anyone out there know if such a doctor exists?

Anyhoo... I started taking the medicine three days ago. No side effects, no problems (yet). We'll see in two months when I go back and they re-test.

Fun.

Okay, that's enough of an update for today...

I'll be back tomorrow (hopefully).

Cinco De Mayo Baby

2008-05-05T09:24:00.001-07:00

Woo hoooo!

I don't have a single drop of Mexican blood in me, yet I always feel the need to celebrate. Wonder where this came from?

So, I should be cleaning ... but I don't have an energy to do so. And I know if I don't my husband will say something... and I know this b/c he said the house was a mess when he left this morning.

Maybe I should nap?

Considering I have to put shavings in the horse stalls this afternooon, I'm going to need the energy.

But that laundry will never fold itself, will it?

Dear Roo Bob

2008-05-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Miss Roo Bob,

I know it's been awhile... so here goes.

You are 13 1/2 months old now and wow, have you grown! You are a walking machine with the occasional fast walk that normally ends with your face in the dirt (You have good intentions though!!). :) You are babbling like a little cavewoman and I swear you'll be spitting out sentences any second now. Sleeping has gotten much better for you as well, we've cut out night feedings (during the night) and while you still cry, you're getting the hang of it. You even slept 8 hours in a row last night, something you haven't done in months! Of course, you are a co-sleeper now. We decided you sleeping better in our bed is worth the extra precious minutes of sleep you grant us. I admit, I do miss sleeping next to Daddy, but if you're happy I'm good.

You love being at the barn. While Daddy does cleans stalls or fixes things, you toddle around pointing at horses, playing in the dirt or chasing cats. I've gotten used to the idea of your being dirty 24/7 and only change your clothes twice a day. But I am using a heck-of-a lot stain remover on your clothes to get those dirt stains out. Grandma June sees you more now and you love to see her. When you spot her, you point at her and smile, all the while making noises. She spoils you, even bought you your first cowgirl boots (which you are unsure of, but I'm sure you'll warm up to them).

Speaking of spoiling, Daddy bought you a tiny kiddie pool to play in and today you played (naked) in it in the front yard. Being a true Pieces, you love to splash in the water and squeal with joy while doing it... It was beautiful.

You are beautiful!

I love you,
Mommy

Me.Me.Me.

2008-05-01T11:55:00.000-07:00

MEEEEEEEEEEE!! I'm still alive! I swear I am! :)

And let me just say: Life is Good... so good.

The family is happy and healthy, we've got beautiful sunshine, warm warm weather and satellite tv... he he he.

Also, let me say: I am so stinking excited about the Sex and the City movie coming out at the end of this month. I am soooo getting a moms night out for that one! :)

Baby Mama Drama (Warning LOTS of venting)

2008-03-06T10:18:00.000-08:00

Not Baby Mama, my Mama... I just love to say Baby Mama Drama.

So it was once discussed that we (husband, baby and I) would move to my parents so we could: 1) save money 2) continue education

Well, after a recent trip up there my husband and I decided not too... that it wasn't worth losing my marriage over it (my husband and mother DO NOT get along). And I admit it, I took the cowardly way out and didn't tell them we weren't going to move up there (but in my childish defense I didn't say we would).

Anyhoo, I get an email from my brother telling me to call her and then I talk to my Dad who said I've been "blowing smoke up their asses."

I called her today and the same thing happened that always happens when my mother is told no...she gets angry (not angry as in yell angry; angry as in I'm going to be insulting and cold to you). She tells me she's sorry that since I'm staying down here that I'm going to want for everything and that I'm going to have to go back to work since my husband won't provide for us.

Um, hello?

Who has been supporting us for the past year?

Yeah, that's right: MY HUSBAND.

It just ruffles my feathers soooooooooooooo bad when she attacks us like that...

I don't even have the energy to finish this post....

Scream

2008-01-25T11:53:00.000-08:00

I'm lost.

Mindless Ramblings

2008-01-15T09:19:00.000-08:00

So much his wizzing through my brain right now... Ha, wizzing sounds bad. So mch is going through my head right now. The contract on our house fell through. Roo still isnt' sleeping through the night. I have no cash. My feet are cold. My husband is building a Model A car...

And I want to write... GoD! Do I ever want to write... but I sit down, and normally the baby needs my attention, or I have to cook dinner, or I'm EXHAUSTED. When did life end up so tiring? When did I stop being able to find energy?

Oh, that's right... I became a Mom and lost all of my rights to sleep. :)

Even if she's not sleeping through the night, she's still an angel.

I never thought it would be possible to love someone as much as I do her. I thought I really loved my husband, but that love was blown away the second I found out she was living inside of me. Granted, I still love my husband very much, just not as much as I love Roo.

:)

I miss my online friends too... I miss emailing them all the time. So if you're reading this, know how much I miss you.

OPS!

2007-12-03T11:44:00.000-08:00

Someone kindly reminded me that it's been August since I've updated. Oooopppsss.
So here I am with an update.
RooRoo is still not sleeping through the night. We were close once or twice, then she got her first fever and it hasn't been the same since.
I'm dragging ass, feeling like ass and not giving any ass.
The story of my life.
If I could sleep, I'm sure my ass would be perky, I would feel like a superstar and my husband would be rolling in the ass.
Ha... that sounds so naughty.
Happy Holidays!

Nap Nap Nap

2007-08-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

Ava has been taking longer afternoon naps lately. We're creeping up towards two hour naps here! The thing is, normally she doesn't fall asleep for said naps until three or so. Then she wants to sleep for two hours which messes up our whole bedtime schedule. And lord, if I wake her up early from a nap! There is hell to pay!

So I'm thinking I could alternate her sleeping schedule so that she goes to bed later... which gives us more time to enjoy the outdoor weather once it cools down.

Yesterday we spread a blanket out in the front yard and just laid in the shade while Daddy took pictures, it was wonderful.

But back to the schedule thing, I don't want to tamper with it too much or she'll get all out of wack. But maybe adjusting it slowly will help... What do you think?

Venturing Out

2007-08-21T10:55:00.000-07:00

Venturing Out Into The World

On my first adventure out into the world alone with my baby, my body had a persistent sheen of sweat on it the whole time.
It was a trip to the doctor’s office for her two week checkup. I dressed her in a cute summer dress, double checked the diaper bag for all the essentials and loaded her into the car seat.
The drive that normally took fifteen minutes ended up taking thirty minutes as I drove so cautiously it boarded on being ridiculous. I was slow as molasses, constantly checking my mirrors as my hands wrapped around the steering wheel in what only could resemble a death grip.
After finally making it to our destination, I sat in the lobby praying that my daughter wouldn’t scream and if she did, how would I comfort her?
Sweat trickled down my back in fat drops as I struggled to hold my girl, her blanket, spit cloth and pacifier.
When they called us back and the nurse told me to strip her down to her diaper, I awkwardly fumbled to get off her clothing. My hands shook as my anxiety rose.
Under the nurse’s watchful eye, my inabilities felt like they were magnified. I felt inadequate and when she left the room, I collapsed in tears fearing I’d never get the hang of being a Mom.
I feared I could never undress my daughter without provoking tears. I believed I could never properly diaper her or soothe her.
All these inadequacies jumbled down upon my shoulders weighing a ton, making me feel like the world’s worst mom.
I couldn’t even stop her tears on the long drive home.
Fast forward five months and our tune has drastically changed. I have absolutely no hesitations, no reservations, and no doubts.
Time has given me super-mommy powers. I can get clothes on (and off) my daughter in lighting speed, I can soothe her tears, make her laugh and transport her anywhere without a death grip on my steering wheel.
Being a mom takes a lot of strength, patience and love. With time all the traits are honed to perfection and all you’re left with is love and devotion to your child.

16 Weeks

2007-07-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

Dear RooRoo,
You're 16 weeks old and becoming quite the vocally opinionated girl I always thought you'd be. From the moment I laid eyes on you and saw your Daddy in you, I knew you'd aquire some of his famous habits. Such as stubborness and willfullness. Now not only do I have to deal with him, I deal with you. :) But it's your strong wills that I love so much. I love that you demand my attention and when it's granted you give me the most beautiful smiles in return. I love that you refuse to sit still and that you want things your way, or there is hell to pay. I love so much about you, especially that precious giggle you've blessed us with.

You're on mark with the list of things you should be accomplishing by this week. You hold your head up (proudly too, I might add), you're struggling like a champ to sit up on your own, you coo and smile like an angel and you spend your tummy time wiggling around like a worm on a hook.
Your Daddy and I couldn't be more proud of you... we love you so much and pray that you continue on the path you're on and that you're healthy, happy and most importantly, stubborn as hell.
:)
Love,
Mommy

Update

2007-06-19T18:13:00.001-07:00

I'm exhausted... so exhausted I could fall face first on to my computer and not wake up for days... But what else is new?

:)

Ramblings...

2007-06-12T17:33:00.000-07:00

I've noticed that as the days pass, this whole Mommy thing gets easier. I'm also finding that as the days pass, my daughter is growing up and taking on new challenges. Today I laid her on her tummy with her arms propped up on her boppy pillow (my life saver, if you're going to be a mom, GET ONE!) and she started moving her legs back and forth and kept her head up the whole time! I was cheering her on the whole time. My little girl is growing up!! Yesterday I put her on her tummy while we were playing on the floor and she immediately picked her head up. It was such a proud moment for me.

Granted, she only pulled it up a few inches and it was for only a minute... but I was so proud of her.

When I think about her growing up, I admit it, I do get sad. She's so much fun right now... (well, except for the whole napping only in Mama's arms thing) I know that as she grows more and more she'll become even more fun... Just thinking about her walking and talking... Agh, melts my heart!

My neck is out again... hurts to turn to the left... Oh and the right, which sucks because I just had my neck "put back in" two nights ago. I'd hate to call my therapist again to have her fix me again.

I wonder how long I can take the pain?

I'm tossing around ideas for an at home business... Technically, we have one. My husband's photography business which I can take over if I want... but I'm thinking about designing stationary... But, with that I'd have to buy new software to design and then pay to print and yada yada yada... With the photography business I already have everything. I just need to brush up on my skills...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

What do you think?

Bad Mama

2007-06-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong that at this very moment my daughter is laying on the floor infront of the TV watching a cartoon? I mean, honestly, she's only 12 weeks old can she really be watching TV? Or just gazing at the fascinating colors before her?

Can you blame a tired mom with a headache?

Technically, her father put her infront of the TV, not me.

:)

Official

2007-06-03T06:17:00.001-07:00

It's official... I'm truly a mom. :) My daughter just started whimpering and crying in her sleep, and I sat still and waiting for her to stop (it only lasted two seconds) and she went right back to sleep..

HA HA!

I used to rush forward to comfort her, even if she cried for a second, now if I just give her a second she usually soothes herself and stops (of course if it lasts longer I'm there faster than a shot out of a cannon).

So YEAH BABY!! :) :) :)

And I finally signed up for the internet at home, so maybe, just maybe you'll get more posts out of me.

Have a great sunday!

Me.Me.Me.

2007-05-30T17:26:00.000-07:00

I walked into Forever 21 the other day, my mother trailing me carting my daughter in her arms. My mission was to find a dress for my husband's photography show and I thought, maybe I'd find something there. I'd walked into that store a billion times before, sometimes purchasing a pair of work pants or a cute tank top for after hours, so I thought they'd be a good store for me to check out.

I did one quick lap of the store, taking in the brightly colored clothing displayed on the walls, making my way through the maze of shoppers both older than me and younger than me. I did a quick scan of their dresses and quickly headed towards the door with one thought in my mind: I can't wear these clothes anymore.

Everything on their racks felt like a sham to put on. I imagine that if I put on one of those slinky black dresses that I'd be fooling myself that I was still young enough to do so. I imagined if I tried to put together one of the outfits on the mannequin I'd be lying to myself.

And the second I walked back out of that store I contemplated for a second the ending of my youth. The ending of my "junior section" shopping. The ending of an era.

I always thought I'd have a problem with this... but as I looked back at my beautiful daughter, I accepted it with a smile.

With grace.

I promptly went to Ann Taylor and bought two dresses that fit me perfectly and made me feel like a woman.

A woman.

Finally.

All thanks to a tiny little baby and ten months of bliss.

Still Alive

2007-05-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile... I know.

Motherhood is busy!

Ava is amazing. She's smiling and cooing all over the place! I just sit and stare at her most day, in awe of how she's growing. My little girl is going to be all grown up and leaving the nest before I know it!!

:)

Nothing New

2007-05-01T07:55:00.000-07:00

Nothing new to report, except that Miss Ava slept from 8:00 - 2:30 last night! WOO HOO! I woke up and was like, HUH?

It felt glorious! My run this morning, not so glorious. Really slow and uncoordinated. Hopefully soon, it'll all come back to me and I'll be as smooth as vanilla ice cream. :) :) :)

Had my post partum check up today and all is well, and I don't have to go back for a year! YAY! I'm so sick of doctors... Of course, I'll still get my fill of them when I take the Hoover to her appointments. She has her two month soon and she's getting four shots! I told the husband he HAS to come with, I can't handle her in pain. It breaks my heart.

That's all for now...

Fun Facts About Ava

2007-04-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

Fun facts about Ava that you are dying to know. :) :) :)

~I picked her name simply b/c it was a classically beautiful name... it has no historical background, has no relations to our families, same with her middle name
~She looks adorable in pink... green... blue...yellow... Hell, she looks cute in anything
~She would eat 24/7 if I let her
~ She has a clogged tear duct and gets this funky eye boogies
~She tends to cry on the hour, every hour after a feeding and the ways of comforting her including walking her back and forth in the kitchen, bouncing her in your lap on the bed, or jiggling her while you rock her in the rocking chair (which hurts my back like crazy)
~She's finally getting a sleep schedule established at night and is asleep by 8 PM
~She loves, loves, loves her Daddy... but when I leave the two of them alone, she tends to cry the whole time
~If Daddy jiggles his keys in front of her, she's mesmerized
~She refuses to keep her hands under a blanket and tends to wiggle her way out of a swaddle.

April 26, 2007

2007-04-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Ava,

Today you are six weeks old and as I stare at you while you sleep, I can't believe that you haven't been a part of my life this whole time. When I hold you, I can't even look back and remember you not being in my arms. In the past six weeks, you've captured every part of my soul and have it firmly gripped in your tiny little fist. You've completed me in a way I never knew possible. Every cry, every coo, every smile melts my heart. You make me want to be a better person; you make me want to make this world a better place for you to exist. I want to do everything for you, including buy you a pony. :)

Love,
Mommy

Cheap Update

2007-04-19T08:15:00.000-07:00

Random Thoughts

~ Beautiful Sunny Day
~ My daughter is the prettiest baby EVER
~She does tend to spit up a lot though
~ My hubby is grumpy today
~I ate 2 donuts today
~I spoil my daughter by holding her too much
~ I can type this entry all while feeding the little tyke

:(

2007-04-16T10:27:00.001-07:00

My brother in law's tour of duty in Iraq got extended :( :( :(

Life With Baby

2007-04-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow my little tyke is one month old. It's hard to believe how fast time is flying... I'm feeling more comfortable in my role as Mom, but that comfort only extends to my property line. The last (and only time) I've ventured out alone with her, I ended up in tears... but of course that was two weeks ago and we went to the doctors office where I fumbled about with my newborn feeling like a newborn babe myself... but I have gotten a little bit more confidant. I'm still so very afraid of her bursting into one of her crying fits and not being able to calm her. At home I comfort her with a boob, a diaper change or with a go in the rocking chair. But out in the real world, I can't do that...

We venture out alone again on Monday when we make our one month check up at the doctors... and hopefully she doesn't scream her head off when the doctor pretends to drop her to check her reflexes...

Maybe in two weeks I'll be more able to take her out and debut her to the world... we have yet to take her anywhere in public... liking to keep her locked away in our cozy little home... Soon, soon.

But motherhood is good, tiresome, but good. We're dealing with her crying as it comes (and boy does it come!!!!). She was such a good baby for two weeks, and now she loves to let loose in the evenings. I suspected colic, but she's consoliable and it doesn't last for hours on end... it lasts until my butt hits the rocker or I whip out dinner (sorry for that reference). She has her good nights, where she sleeps like an angel or goes down at a great hour... and she has her bad nights where she refuses to go to sleep or wakes up for two hour periods (let me tell you, there's nothing good on TV at two in the morning).

My husband is trying his best to help out... he can't stand too much of the crying, it drives him crazy at some points, but he's learning and trying his best. I give him major props for working full time and coming home to a haggled (usually covered in spit up and still in her PJs) wife. :) He is the best.

Well, my baby is calling... time to eat!

Baby Days

2007-03-26T13:02:00.000-07:00

Whelp... I'm a MOM!

Ava was born on 3-15 @ 2021. :) A day early, due to a nasty bought of preclampsia, but healthy nonetheless :)

I'll write a more meaningful post when I'm not exhausted... maybe in 18 years? HA.

Random

2007-03-07T09:04:00.000-08:00

~ Today is a beautiful day... and all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep
~ Everytime I sneeze I think I'm hurting my baby
~ I wish I could go to Disney... but I don't think my fat feet can handle it
~ The piglets keep getting out of the pen and wandering around the farm
~ I'm extremely uncomfortable in the clothes I'm wearing
~ I'm dying to go for a long, sweaty run
~ I miss my old job
~ I can't wait to meet my daughter
~ I have a tendacy to buy books then return them after I've read them
~ I've been scatterbrain for most of my pregnancy
~ I'm late for my lunch date....

Bored.

2007-03-06T12:12:00.000-08:00

Today has been a "zero effort" kinda day for me... I have no energy to do anything and all I want to do is go home, crawl into bed and devour the books I picked up at the library. Not too much to ask, is it?

But things have to be done, groceries need to be bought, dinner needs to be made, bills have to be paid...

But at least it's a beautiful day out... could be worse, right?

Update

2007-03-05T11:55:00.000-08:00

I'm still pregnant! Much to my mother's dismay. She calls me everyday to check and make sure I'm not having contractions. I honestly think she's sitting in her house in SC, with her cell phone clutched in her hand, her bags packed waiting for the phone to ring... Silly Mom.

No contractions, no water breaking, no back pains... just sleepiness.

10 more days to go and it's BABY TIME.

Are you excited yet, I am!

Don't Jynx Me!!

2007-02-28T12:11:00.000-08:00

My Mom is swearing that I'm having my baby this weekend (*knocks on wood*). I'm trying to ignore her... She called me yesterday and I didn't get to my cell phone fast enough (which is nothing new with me, I'm always slow to answer my phone b/c it's usually stuck at the bottom of my purse and I can't hear it), so two minutes later, she's ringing me again all worried that I'd had the baby or something.

*rolls eyes*

Yes, I know Mom's are supposed to be like this, but COME ON!! Leave me be! I'm grumpy and don't need her to jynx me into having my baby early. It's too soon! I'm only 36 weeks and considered pre term! Besides, if I go in early for my c-section, they call it an emergency c-section and have to put my baby in the NICU and she has to be observed and can't be with me. I've told everyone that since I've carried her with me for this long, as soon as she comes into the world I want her all to myself, not carted off to be alone with strangers who might poke and prod at her.

I want none of that!

So, I'm holding this baby in until the 16th damnit!

:p

Besides that baby mama drama, nothing is going on. My feet are swollen, I'm exhausted, and hungry... but that's nothing new, is it? :D

Day in the Sun

2007-02-25T09:56:00.000-08:00

I'm currently sitting under the biggest oak tree on our property, listening to the windmill whirl, the birds chirping and the wind blowing. The sun is shining, it's the perfect temperature and I'm on the internet... Does life get any better than this?

I think not.

:)

Friday morning my friend delivered her twin girls and yesterday we went and saw them... well, we only saw one b/c the bigger of the two is in the NICU b/c she stopped breathing once she came out (can you say scary?). But we did get to drool over the tiny one (Baby A) through the nursery windows and hang out with the mama for a few minutes. I was a bit worried that going to the hospital would freak me out and I'd have a panic attack from the nerves. But I did pretty good. Mama was sitting up in the hospital bed, eating her lunch, yakking with all her vistors without a care in the world. Now I think if she would've been laid up in bed, moaning about the pain or this and that, then I would've had a problem, but since she wasn't, I didn't.

I mean, I have less than 20 days until the little squirt comes out... and I have to admit, my nerves are being tested b/c I'm scared. Nervous abouot becoming a parent, nervous about the whole procedure, nervous about life beyond being pregnant.

I know this is normal... what mother doesn't go through this (besides veterans?). It's totally okay for me to panic, just a bit... I know the night before the surgery will be meltdown time, but I'm positive that Mr. SuZ can keep me calm, right? :D

*sigh*

Less than 20 days... less than 20 days.

Nerves of Steel... I think not.

2007-02-23T09:15:00.000-08:00

My friend had her twin girls this morning @ 4:45 am. One of them had fluids in her lungs and they had to put her on oxygen... then they decided to transport her to another hospital b/c she wasn't doing so well. Poor girl... poor mom.

I can't imagine going through that... but I have to b/c in three weeks my due date is here and my daughter could end up having problems (*knock on wood*). It's so damn scary to think about... and it makes my nerves go cold. There's no way you can predict what will happen when your baby is born...

I wasn't really scared or nervous about giving birth up until now... The realization is starting to hit me and I'm doing my best to keep my calm...

Egh, any advice? Suggestions? Relaxation methods?

True or False?

2007-02-22T12:19:00.001-08:00

Erika (I can't link to her blog b/c I'm an idiot) tagged me, so here we go. I have to tell you seven weird things about myself. Six will be true, one will not. You choose the false one.

Okay, here goes:

I have the amazing ability to make my pupils shake on command (and my husband is the only other person I know who can do this, match made in heaven, huh?).

I have no problem walking around our horse farm without shoes, without a care of what I'm walking in.

I can drive a 4x4 better than most men, don't mind mud under my nails and have ten pigs in my back pasture.

I hate cleaning my ears and it drives my husband crazy.

My SUV is always, always a mess.

I know stupid useless facts and like to pass them on to anyone who will listen (like, did you know that if you flush a toilet the force of the water can propel fecal matter for 20 feet?).

I have absolutely no problem with the fact that my husband takes nude photos of women for a living.

Now it's my turn to tag someone... so... Jennifer- You're it.

I love the Sunshine State

2007-02-22T12:12:00.000-08:00

Days like today make me realize just how happy I am that we moved back to Florida. It is the perfect day. Warm (in the high 70s), slightly breezy and sunny as can be. Not a damn cloud in the blue sky either... The ability to wear shorts and flip flops in February is one of the best perks of being from Florida. We can swim anyday of the year (except for maybe two or three), wear open toed shoes all year long, never own a heavy coat or a pair of gloves, and have the need to have sunglasses every damn day of the year... it makes me smile.

I'm quite proud that my girl is going to be a Florida native, we're a dying breed here.

Speaking of the girl, we saw the doctor this morning. Everything is on track, my doctor just wants me to stay off of my feet as much as possible and keep my swollen toes up when I can.

So I'll be spending tons of time sitting on the world's most comfortable cough, watching tons of Sex and the City DVDs, reading books and watching bad daytime TV... Tough life, huh?

So if you don't hear from me, that's where I'll be.

:)

Utter Exhaustion

2007-02-19T08:56:00.000-08:00

Man, this whole pregnancy thing is tough!

Not really, but I am wiped out today! Yesterday I had my baby shower and it was WONDERFUL! All my friends came and my family from SC came down as well. We had a fabulous time, played cute baby shower games, opened presents and had CAKE (my favorite part of the day!). Miss Ava got tons of cute things, she'll be swaddled in pink outfits for the rest of her life!

And a wonderful surprise from my friend was a gift to me: a red corset! :) :) :) I love love love corsets and actually had the waistline to pull them off before baby (aka B/B). So when I pulled it out, I died!! I'm dying to get into I mean! I hung it on my closet door for inspiration once Miss Ava is born.

My two friends who threw me the shower did a great job. The house looked amazing and the food was scrumptous. I'm so happy they did this for me.

I have another shower in two weeks with my hubby's side of the family, it won't be as cool, but it'll be fun b/c JB's grandma kicks ass. :) :) :)

So after a long day yesterday, shopping in the AM with family (thanks for the new pots and pans Mom!) and the baby shower in the afternoon you'd think I'd stop and relax... Nope, I put all the baby cards and pictures into a scrapbook, then did all of my thank you cards while watching the Apprentice. Then, only then did I take a quick bath and crash.

I'm still not recovered from it either.

I could crash right at the computer desk... but I won't. I'm too hungry to do that. :)

Have a great day!

Another Day in Paradise

2007-02-15T10:48:00.000-08:00

I remember when I used to work 40 hours a week and go to school full time at night, I used to complain (!!) about how bad I wanted to quit working and finish school and do nothing but write all day long...

Well, now my dream has come true with one exception.

I can't write crap.

I finished my degree, I quit my job, I get to sit at home all day long and watch bad (bad, bad, bad) TV and I can't wrap my fingers around a pen and force the words out.

Once again, I blame this writer's block on the little peanut growing in my belly... I tried the other night and was successful at pouring out over 600 words for a new chick lit novel I've been thinking about... but the next morning, the sight of my computer made my stomach roll. I just couldn't do it! My husband doesn't understand and laughs at me... well, I laugh at him (just b/c I can).

Maybe once she pops out it'll all come rushing back to me... of course by that time I'll be so damn tired and busy I'll only be able to jot down ideas on post it notes.

Anyhoo...

Baby Shower #1 is this weekend. A house full of relatives and friends and CAKE! I'm excited. I just hope I can find enough chairs for everyone.

Wish me luck.

Ta Ta.

Boo Hoo

2007-02-13T17:27:00.000-08:00

I could cry... I finally had to wrench off my wedding band today. :( :( :( I was talking to a buddy of mine and he advised me that I had to do it really really soon, if not now b/c my fingers were going to get nothing but worse (he's a trained EMT). So I slathered up my ring finger with lotion and pulled with all of my might... and now I hate the way my hand looks!

I've never taken the ring off before!! I feel so naked without it, so exposed. :(

Heartbreaking, I know.

I'm currently wearing it on my pinkie finger.

Good Hair Days

2007-02-12T08:20:00.000-08:00

Yeah for good hair days!!!

Not that I get them very often, but today is one of those days.

Celebrate with me now!!

Step Away From the GS Cookies

2007-02-11T09:01:00.000-08:00

Damn Girl Scout cookies!!

I pulled into 7-11 (conveince store) today and gasped so loud that I'm positive everyone pumping gas heard me, "Look honey! Girl Scout Cookies!!"

I wait every year to see those cute little kids dressed up in their uniforms peddling their delicious goods outside of shopping stores. When I see them, it's like I'm a kid in a candy store (My mouth waters just thinking about the two boxes of peanut butter patties I've got in my truck).

Of course, the girl scouts couldn't have come at a worse time... a time when I'm trying to cut back on my sweets and ignore my cravings for anything chocolately or full of peanut butter. I could scream... but I could also eat both boxes of cookies in one sitting.

:)

On a good note, we've finally finished moving. Now all I need to do is purchase a bookcase and put away all our DVDs and the house will be perfect! Just in time for next weekend's baby shower!

Keep It To Yourself, Damnit!

2007-02-09T13:05:00.000-08:00

It seems lately all I hear, from everyone from complete strangers to realtives, is: "You're ready to pop!"

Just picture me cringing and doing my best not to glare and snap back at them with some witty retort. Because that's what happens everytime, and it happens A LOT, when someone opens their big mouth and comments on my pregnancy.

If it's not that comment, it's: "Are you sure there's only one in there?"

I HATE this! HATE IT! I mean, come on. I'm not that big! Plus, I'm not about to pop, I still have five weeks left! It makes me want to hide out in my house and ignore the world around me.

At least no one else has tried to touch me.

Swollen Pigs

2007-02-06T14:48:00.000-08:00

I've come to the conclusion that until I pop this baby out, my feet will not look normal. Until my daughter graces the world with her presence, I will continue to have feet that look like doughy loaves of bread...

Doughy loaves of bread that always make me want to eat bread... is that disturbing?

I've tried everything to get them back to normal; I've even cut out bacon! And I love love love bacon. I eat most of my meals at home, I'm staying away from the salty stuff and drinking water and NADA!! Nothing but swollen, fat feet that tend to jiggle when I walk and ache when I'm sitting.

Ah, being pregnant is glorious.

:)

Quick Update

2007-02-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

Why does finidng free internet make me so happy?

Probably has something to do with how expensive internet has become lately.

But alas, I found it for free at my new favorite used bookstore in the downtown area of our new home town. Woo Hoo for that.

Things on the homefront are great. I've set up the mailbox, Mr. SuZ has painted a few walls, and we should have the rest of our stuff from storage in our new casa by tomorrow. :) Plus I'm having my first guests come over for dinner tomorrow.

If only it weren't so dreary and rainy.

Have a great day!

Slowest Move Ever

2007-02-03T16:40:00.000-08:00

Well, it's offical. You can call this the SLOWEST MOVE EVER!!!

My husband and I still haven't finished moving all the crap out of our storage unit. While we finally started last night moving things, we seem to be moving slower than the average turtle. Normally when we move, I'm bound and determined to get it over with ASAP and bust my ass moving anything and everything I can pick up (or fit into my truck). But this whole pregnancy thing places me on my husband's time schedule and let's just say he's not the most motivated mover.

One of the main reasons I'm in a hurry now is because the longer our stuff sits in storage, the more money I have to pay... and buying a house isn't cheap and one less bill would be idle at the moment.

On the happier side of things, we did move the world's most comfortable couch in last night and today I got to lay on it's splendid glory and read a book! I haven't been that happy in so long!! :)

If you're interested in seeing pics, drop me a line.

Have a great night!

A Cozy New Home

2007-01-31T06:23:00.000-08:00

Well, we signed all the paperwork and were handed the keys yesterday at 2:00pm. :) We spent our first night there last night and today we're moving some small stuff in until our friends can help this weekend.

:)

YAY for a new home!

What to do... what to do?

2007-01-28T09:55:00.000-08:00

I still haven't heard from my friend regarding the baby shower. I heard through the grape vine that her feelings are hurt by my backlash to her lash out on me. And hearing this, makes me even madder (I hate that word). I'm mad b/c she thinks she can lash out at me and make me out to be a horrible person b/c I offered to help with my babyshower and I am supposed to take her wrath. God forbid, she have to endure mine.

It's always like this with us... we get into some fight about something stupid every... six, eight months and eventually we get over it, but not before a few weeks (sometimes months) pass. It angers me that she's so one sided and stubborn. I could just scream that I'm being made out to be the big bitch, simply for offering help. I wish I had the energy to get into all the arguments we've been in, it'd help you understand my frustration more... but I simply do not have the energy or heart to dissect the mess that is my friendship with her.

I thought about calling her and telling her we need to do something about this, b/c I don't want tension at the baby shower. But I'm not sure how to approach her b/c I don't want to lose my temper and I don't want to apologize ( I refuse to apologize for offering my help and my money). I want to tell her that we should stop being stupid and just get over it.

We have another baby shower next weekend and we'll see each other there... I predict tension if we don't patch this crap up. Egh, what to do... what to do?

Any suggestions?

What the F?

2007-01-25T15:47:00.000-08:00

As you know, I'm a member of Flickr. I joined this little website to post pictures to share with my friends and family. Once I got pregnant and moved three states away from my family, I figured this would be a great place to share my pregnancy pictures. So post away I did.

No biggie, right? Who would be interested in pictures of my big ole' belly, besides family and friends.

Boy, was I wrong.

Two days ago I got an email from an unknown person and I opened it, figuring what the hell. What I got was a very explicit message about how this perfect stranger was masturbating to my pictures. It was so graphic and so disturbing (and being emotionally unstable due to said pregnancy) I was in tears. My husband takes big time offense to anyone who says such things about me, fired back an email to this a-hole.

I blocked the scum bag and deleted his email, hoping and praying I wouldn't have to deal with him again.

Wrong, again.

I got an email again today from him and this time he went on and on about how wrong it was of me to post these pictures and how we wanted to do some graphic nasty things to me.

Once again, since I'm emotional, I cried for about an hour b/c of the horrid nature of his words about me. He told my husband in this email that he should understand why he was doing what he was doing. He basically said I was asking for this kind of attention by posting pictures of myself.

What type of sick, pathetic man does this? I mean, he stalked me, he harassed me about my pictures starting all of this with his disturbing talk about masturbating... and I should be the one to blame for his actions? Did I miss something?

The whole situation has me so upset. I changed everything to private and blocked him again (of course, my husband fired back again, extremely pissed off)... so I pray, pray, pray that I never hear from this a-hole again.

I can't handle it!

I can't handle someone searching my pictures out and telling me about their sexual pleasures and whatnot. I can't handle it nor do I want to!

Egh, he ruined my night. I can't even think about it without getting pissed off and stressed out.

Damn Insurance!

2007-01-24T12:46:00.000-08:00

As you know we're in the process of buying this house... and one of the joys of purchasing a new home requires the purchase of home owners insurance. Since I live in Florida and no one can seem to forget the hurricanes of 2004, they are being a-holes about giving away insurance.

When we bought our last house, we had nothing like the problems we are having now and we didn't have to pay nearly as much. I've been on the phone all afternoon calling people, giving them information, emailing reports and whatnot... only to get call backs that say: SORRY! We can't help you.

Argh!!!!!!! If I'm willing to pay, shouldn't they offer the services?? Hmmmmm?

Sheesh!!

The troubles of being a grown up, huh?

I'm Taking A Poll

2007-01-23T12:35:00.000-08:00

Is it wrong for a person to tell someone in advance about certain "requests" they have? Like at Christmas, kids (and some adults) make lists of things they'd like to receive as gifts and mail them to Santa. The same with birthday lists, or grocery lists. Here is something I'd like to have, I've written it down for you... doesn't seem like too much, right? And why do people do this? B/C if they didn't, they wouldn't get what they wanted.

Well, I did this. I sat my friend down when she mentioned wanting to throw a baby shower for me and told her, I wanted a certain type of invitation, I wanted this and I wanted that.

No big deal right, especially since she agreed and accepted my offer of financial support.

Apparently not.

Today I get this long winded email stating that I was being too demanding and my constant questions/concerns were making the event less special... Oh, and she jabbed at me that it was costing her so much money to give me what I wanted.

I fired back in my pissed off state, so who knows what will happen now.

God forbid, I try and help with my own baby shower. God forbid, I offer to pay for it... God forbid, God forbid.

And to top all of this off, she ruined my fucking lunch!

The Way I See It

2007-01-22T16:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things will hit me like a bolt of lightning. Something I didn't realize until that exact moment and when it does, it's like the skies opening up after a long storm and you see the light!

Well, okay, maybe not that drastic... but, it's eye opening.

I've discovered the methods to being pregnant and would like to share them with you (hopefully as more bolts of lightning strike, I'll keep you updated... unless the preggo brain kicks in and I forget).

1- The three trimesters of pregnancy can be broken up into the following catagories:
1st- Icky, sicky, what the F was I thinking, phase.
2nd- I can eat again... and eating is all I do, phase.
3rd- Glowing with greasiness, phase.

With my first trimester I wasn't necessarily sick (except for the one time with food poisoning and another incident with cinnamon toothpaste), but I felt horrible! If I didn't constantly fill my belly every four hours, I'd get this nasty, sick, "I want to puke but can't" feeling. It was nothing but saltine crackers and Sprite for days!!

The second trimester was wonderful! My appetite had returned. I wasn't feeling icky at all, and my cravings suddenly kicked into overtime! I wanted everything I could get my hands on: bacon, pancakes, pumpkin pie, chicken, salad, mac and cheese... you name it (except for pickles) I wanted it... and being the wonderful man he is, my husband got me whatever I wanted (hence the extra weight I'm ashamed of).

The third is still new for me since I just hit it three weeks ago, but I've noticed the "shotgun face" (acne) that plagued me (and shamed me) in the second trimester is gone... only to be replaced by a shiny complexion that rivals the Exxon-Valdez oil spill! Hopefully this will get better, not worse! I don't think I can take any more acne.

Ah, the joys of pregnancy.

House Update

2007-01-17T13:31:00.000-08:00

We met the inspector at the house we're looking to buy this morning and while he did his thing, my husband signed more paperwork. All the while, I sat there and gazed around the house thinking, "I'd do this..." or "I'd do that..." The more time I spent in the house, the more I LOVED it.

We also got a chance to talk to one of the neighbors, who was super nice and told us more about the neighborhood.

After an hour, the verdict came in. Besides some minor, silly things (like the closet door handle needs to be screwed in and ants in the yard) the house passed! He said it was solid and we'd have his official report tomorrow!

*jumps up and down as much as a preggo can*

We also got a call from our realtor this afternoon that the owner would leave this adorable little clock on the wall I loved and she'd leave the dining room chairs, just not the table (I was hoping she'd leave the table!!). So more cool news.

And also on a good note, my husband is looking at buying another business and after talking to that realtor, looks like things are moving along in that arena as well.

Could today get any better?

I have nothing to update

2007-01-16T12:18:00.000-08:00

I truly have nothing exciting to update about today... I slept horrible last night, woke up about three dozens times (guess I should get used to it huh? It's going to happen more when she's finally here). I laid around all morning, did some grocery shopping and caught up on the gossip rags at the book store... Now Mr. SuZ is working and I'm day dreaming about watching Season 6 of Sex and the City and eating orange sherbert ice cream. What a life huh?

Our inspection is tomorrow morning @ 9:00am, wish us luck!

First: ECK! Second: Awwww!

2007-01-15T12:44:00.000-08:00

I took a tour of the hospital where I'll be delivering this morning. I dragged Mr. SuZ out of bed early and took him with me. I was kinda nervous about it only b/c seeing the hospital makes it even more real than it already is. And I was right... they whipped us up the elevators to the second floor (Labor & Delivery) and as I was standing there against the wall in a line with the other preggo women, I got a queasy feeling in my tummy.

Nerves.

Then I started to ponder those nerves and what really happens on the other side of those big double doors and found myself reaching for Mr. SuZ's hand. I know the whole process of babies and I know that in the end, they come out. I'm not terribly worried, but just really nervous. I can't help it!

I tried to push this feeling away as we continued the tour, but it persisted until we reached the next floor.

The Nursery.

Then I just melted... melted into a big gloopy puddle on the floor. It was just like the show it in the movies, you walk up to this big glass window and spread out before you are a dozen babies. Seeing them made me forget all this nervousness and worry. It seeped out of my bones like it never existed and I found myself tearing up...

This is real.

She is real.

I can handle this... I mean, come on (!!) look at the remarkable outcome of the journey. A sweet, precious baby that smells so good and is oh so soft.

Now I can't wait! Bring it on doctor! I want my baby.

He He He.

Housing Update

2007-01-13T15:41:00.000-08:00

WE GOT IT! WE GOT IT!!!!

My realtor called at 11:00 this morning with the good news! The owner accepted our offer and wants to close on the 29th! That's 16 days away!!! :) :) :) And as long as the inspection goes well and the appraisal matches what we offered, we are good to go!!

Oh, I'm so happy... I feel like the biggest weight has been lifted off of my chest!!!

I'm thinking nothing but good thoughts about the inspection and appraisal. The house is in great shape and the way the market is right now, I'm sure it's worth what we're asking.

YAYAAAAAAAA!!

Crosses Fingers

2007-01-12T14:22:00.000-08:00

Today started out as a bad day... nothing in particular had happened. I just woke up in a funky mood, irritated about our living situation and the lack of space available to hold my baby shower at (I met with the girls last night and somehow told them I'd find a place to have it and pay for my baby shower). So I wasn't in the best of moods when as I ate my cheerios.

So I decided to get out of the house for awhile, maybe take a drive and figure out where I could live and where I could host a baby shower. Mr. SuZ came along and we ended up driving thru this historic town that we've always loved... just simply loved for the history, the art and the culture. We'd tried to buy into the area three years ago and the deal on the two houses we wanted fell through. I was hoping I could find a cute little house to rent in the area and one of my problems would be solved.

Then I turned and found a cute little house for sale. I jotted down the number to the realtor just for shits and giggles (don't you love that expression?) and gave her a call. She gave me a number that gave me pause, "Really? That's it?"

"Yes, would you like to see it? I'm in the area."

I quickly manuvered a u-turn and made my way back to the cutest little house on the street.

And when I walked in, I fell in love... L-O-V-E!!

It was tiny, yes, very tiny but it was perfect!!!! Charming, quant, in the right area, the right price and even better the owner was MOTIVATED!!! Turns out she was moving to LA and needed to unload her houses... *waves hand in the air* I'll buy it!

We called up my realtor, made an appointment to do a contract and half an hour ago we faxed over an offer. Now I sit here with fingers crossed, praying she accepts it! This would solve both my problems; I'd have a house to live in and a place to throw my baby shower!

So cross your fingers for me...

Have a great night!

Strength in Motherhood

2007-01-03T11:10:00.000-08:00

I read an article today in Pregnancy magazine titled, "How Motherhood Makes You Strong." And the article has so much truth in it! I feel like a stronger person than before all b/c of the little girl growing inside of me. True, I still have my moments (what women doesn't?), but I find myself being able to handle situations better. Or incidents that would've sent me spiraling into anger/rage/tears/etc now don't bother me. I've got a whole new frame of mind that makes me cool and calm... Something I've always been, but never truly true to it.

It's the best feeling in the world!

Example being my mother, true she's always driven me crazy (and always will), I can handle her better and more efficently than before I was pregnant. Before I was pregnant, she would walk all over me and tell me what to do, how to do it, etc. Now, I'm stronger, more mature (if you can believe it) and can tell her what I want to do and how I want to do it.

So thank you to my little booger of a girl... you've turned your mama into a confident woman and I will always be appreciated of your skills.

Love.

Mama Drama Continues

2006-12-29T11:23:00.000-08:00

So talking to my mom the other day, things were going well. I was updating her on my latest doctors appointment (which went smashing! I've only gained 3 pounds, I passed the diabetes test and everything is right on track!) when she started asking me about the house hunting and how it was going.

Great! I told her, but that my realtor was enjoying the holidays and that we'd get back in touch in the new years. (for those who don't know, we're staying at my hubby's grandpa's until we find a new place to purchase). I didn't think much of it until she started in on me about my husband. Was he helping me look for a place? Was he working much?

Now, I know a mother is always concerned about her children and all that hoopla, but when she starts in on me about my husband, it rakes my nerves. I told her that yes, he was helping but he didn't really need to, that's why I hired a realtor... and yes, he was working, that he actually is very very very busy doing photo shoots and editing photos. She just wouldn't let it drop, she started in on me about finding a house, that I can't have the baby where we're staying and that my father is irritated and that if I don't have a house by the time the baby comes that I'm going to have to take the baby and move up to her house in SC.

Excuse me?

Just picture me sitting in my truck absolutely SPEECHLESS!

Yeah, b/c that was me. I was dumbfounded. Did she seriously just suggest, no no not suggest, demand that I abandon my husband and take his first born and move to her house?

Was she smoking crack?

After I recovered from my shock, anger took over. "What about my husband? Remember him?"

She insisted that we couldn't continue to live here at the house and that is wasn't right to raise our baby here. I told her to chill, honestly. I told her to quit worrying, that I am not abandoning my husband to move up there, that I'm happy where I am and we will find a house.

She insisted that she's just worried about me, but she has no reason to worry about me. My husband has never failed me, and he will get me a house by the time the baby comes. That he is doing a great job of taking care of me and she needs to quit worrying about me and put all her energy into knitting booties or something.

I know a few of you are saying that she's just my mother and worrying is what mothers do, but I know for a fact that mothers (at least I expect this) are supposed to be supportive and not suggest leaving your husband. For her to even suggest that boils my blood... and still three days later gets me going and pissed off.

*rolls eyes* I think she's just lost her damn mind... anyone know where I can get her a new one?

Santa Baby

2006-12-25T15:42:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

Today was a gloomy, rainy day... but it was a good one. We spent the day with family and ate tons of good food. The only thing that would've made it better was if I saw my own family as well... but alas, they live too far away.

I hope yours was as good as mine!

A No Name Post

2006-12-17T12:07:00.000-08:00

I am the champion! I only have one more Christmas present to buy and then I am done! Before 12/24! How cool am I? :)

I knocked out a whole bunch today and even couldn't resist getting Mr. SuZ one more present, even though I swore I wouldn't spend one more penny on him.

Now if only it weren't 80 degrees outside, I could really get in the Christmas spirit!

Yawn

2006-12-16T12:24:00.000-08:00

Just a post to tell you how tired I am... which makes no sense b/c I've been doing nothing for the past two days! Yesterday I went out in the AM for a quick grocery run and today I've done nothing but read my new book and take a shower. I finally peeled off my PJs twenty minutes ago... Yet, I feel like I could collapse in bed and snuggle with my boys all night.

But I won't!

I'm determined to find my father in law a Xmas present, any suggestions on what to get a man that's impossible to shop for?

:)

Have a great saturday!

Will they ever go down?

2006-12-15T11:24:00.000-08:00

A post about my feet... lucky you. :p

I cannot get over them either, I'm obsessed with them lately! My swollen pigs (that's what Mr. SuZ calls my feet)! I know that yesterday I was on my feet pretty much all day, I can accept that was the reason for them being swollen yesterday, but what gives with the puffiness when I woke up this morning? And I've stayed off of them all day today (well, except for a quick trip to the grocery store and movie rental place) and they're puffed up like loaves of bread! It's DISGUSTING! And not to mention, EMBARASSING!

*insert groan here*

What do I do? Any suggestions? I've read about drinking water, elevating them, no salt, yada yada yada... but it's not working! :( :( :(

HELP!

AM From Hell?

2006-12-11T10:07:00.000-08:00

At my last doctor visit my doctor suggested it was time for me to get tested for diabetes. Okay, no big deal, right? I knew this was coming, but I couldn't help the slither of dread that spread through my body as I thought more and more about getting tested. See, my Mom is a diabetic so that automatically puts me in a high risk catagory for obtaining the disease. Lovely, huh?

So I suck it up and this morning I get up bright and early and head to the lab. I hadn't had anything to eat since the previous night and figured that since they told me not to eat two hours before the test, it wouldn't matter. So I walk into the lab @ 8:00AM sharp and sign in. The hand me over this bottle full of orange looking stuff. I had high hopes this orange fluid would be N-A-S-T-Y! But was pleasantly surprised at the taste (not that I would search it out for enjoyment, but it tasted much better than the liquid I had to take for my CAT scan earlier this year). They tell me I have five minutes to down it, and I accomplish that task and settle in for my hour long wait... why an hour? I have no clue.

About 57 minutes later (after watching all the lab commercials and flipping through the free coupon catalog) I start to feel it... My hands are clammy and my mind is a bit... blurred. Not blurred badly, but I can feel the want to pass out lingering way in the back of my mind.

Now, call me a fruitcake or whatever you will, I can take a simple situation and blow it out of control simply with my active imagination. I can make a symptom worse than it is and have a dramatic outcome (this is not something I'm proud of, but call me a worrywart). So I do my best to ignore it, I get up and walk around. I try to concentrate on anything else but that dreaded feeling that seems to be taking over my body. I tried to read a book, I tried to get my head as close to my knees as my big belly would let me.

At that time, the nurse calls me back and I think for a brief moment it's all passed but as soon as I sit in the plastic chair with the arms, I feel it all coming back. I warn her that I'm not feeling well and I apologize. She slides the needle into my arm...

Then I black out.

I don't remember anything except I was having a dream about something and they were trying to wake me up and it pissed me off. I wasn't out for long, enough time for them to finish drawing my blood, bandage up my arm and grab the smelling salts.

I felt HORRIBLE!! I was so weak and sweating like a PIG! They helped me to a bed where I laid down, but that didn't last long b/c my mouth starting watering and I knew what would happen next if I didn't move quickly. They sat me in the bathroom, just in case and got me some water.

I sat there for a bit going between feeling better and feeling worse. I felt tired and weak and miserable. I called up Mr. SuZ and begged him to come get me (he always goes with me to any appointments I have, but today I told him since I was going to be there for at least an hour, I'd be a big girl and go by myself).

When he showed up minutes later, I felt better... but not great. Still exhuasted and hankering for some nuriousments. I got a bagel and a milk and headed home to crash... I felt tired for about thirty more minutes and then besides the bruise on my arm from the needle, you'd never know I was "sick."

So... now I'm all freaked out. Does this mean something? Am I a diabetic? Did I pass out from too low of sugar? Too high? The needle? The withdrawl of blood? What? I know I didn't have any food in me and that never, ever helps... but what do I do now? I'm so concerned! Passing out didn't hurt the baby, did it? I didn't crash to the floor, so I know that part of passing out isn't a problem, but can it hurt a baby if the mom passes out, even for a second? I'm so confused and have no clue who to ask... that is way you get this post. :)

Any suggestion? Websites to check out? Numbers to call? Any help would be great... THANKS!

Mom Update

2006-12-06T10:52:00.000-08:00

She finally called me today. I missed her call and listened to her voice mail before I called her back. She was calling about my doctor's appointment and about our Christmas plans. So I call her back and her tone isn't the warmest, but apparently she's trying. We chit-chatted for a minute or two, I informed her about my doctors appointment and me switching insurance and blah blah blah. She asked about Christmas and when I told her our plans (Christmas Eve in FL and driving up to SC on Christmas day), she seemed kinda irritated. Like, she didn't approve... but whatever. My brother and his wife do that same thing, Christmas Eve with her folks and they drive to my parents on Christmas day. Why is it okay for them, but for us she gets an attitude?

Okay, maybe not attitude but she brings up some bullshit about me asking mjy doctor if it's okay for me to travel like that... Huh? Why wouldn't it be okay for me to travel like that? It's a stinkin' five hour drive! What difference would it make if I did it on Christmas day or three days before?

*rolls eyes*

But as my friend Nicole says, baby steps... baby steps.

At least she called... she put in the effort.

And so did I. I didn't tell her she was an idiot. I didn't yell at her. I was calm and cool.

Of course, I vent here to you... but she doesn't know about that. :) :) :)

Here Comes Xmas!

2006-12-05T16:21:00.000-08:00

Cool weather has finally (again) descended on Florida and has put me in the Christmas spirit! All of a sudden I'm itching to get all my shopping done, to watch old time Xmas cartoons, listen to holiday music, etc... etc... :) :) This is by far my most favorite time of year (even if it only gets into the 60s!)!

Nothing else is really going on, my Mother still isn't talking to me... My Dad hasn't even called me. But in his defense ever since he moved he's been lax on the phone calls. Yes, it does hurt that my Mother is being so childish and selfish about this whole ordeal, but the other part of me is more pissed off that she's not being supportive at a time when I really need an ear to talk to. Why can't she just get over it? Why does she insist on being this way?

I'm still doing yoga, had my third class today. I'm still having trouble with the whole meditating thing, but it's getting better with each class...

Have a happy Tuesday!

Rain Rain Go Away

2006-12-01T07:05:00.000-08:00

The clouds just seem to keep rolling in and spitting down on us here in Florida. Plus to add to the wonderful delight of depressing rain, it's 84 degrees. Oh yeah, did I mention it snowed here last Tuesday? Yeah, snow in Florida... Don't worry though, we quickly rebounded back to the balmy, humid weather we Floridians know and love... But come on, help a girl out! I'm dying to get into the Christmas spirit and it's almost impossible when I'm pulling on shorts! :)

Nothing new to update on the Mom front, she's still not talking to me.

On the house hunt, nothing really new to report there either. My realtor took me to see a bunch of houses yesterday, I just hate that they are so far away from where Mr. SuZ does his photography work. He didn't ask me about the houses I saw yesterday, so I figure he's not interested and maybe I shouldn't be...

No big plans for the weekend either, just a Muddy Muddy Christmas out in Lakeland. Promises to be good and dirty. :)

Have a good one!

A Blah Update

2006-11-28T11:32:00.000-08:00

Nothing new to report really... I did yoga again today and it was really, really relaxing. Well, maybe not relaxing, exhausting! I had a little bit of a problem with my breathing. Not that I couldn't breathe, I was just breathing heavy during some of the exercises and it pooped me out and I'm still paying for it right now.

After yoga I visited a cute little kids boutique and browsed their stuff. I couldn't buy anything b/c it was so damn expensive!! But cute to look at.

I've got a secret fanasties type party to go to tonight and I'm tickled to death that I get to go... only b/c I doubt they'll have anything for pregnant women. :) But at least I get to see a few of my friends that have been hiding from me.

I've got a DR appointment tomorrow and I'm prepared to beg my doctor to give me a 4D ultrasound. I've had three people , three strangers, tell me I'm having a boy and I need confirmation, plus I want to see her cute little face.

Have a fabulous day!

Love Thy Mother?

2006-11-26T14:14:00.000-08:00

You know that I have "issues" with my mother... here's another that sprouted up last week... I was on the phone with her and both of us were getting along so great. We were discussing my strained relationship with my friends, my weight gain, and all that good stuff. Until she asked about me coming up the following week for the doctor's appointment I'd made. Now, I'd gone down to my doctor's here in FL and found out that they would take my SC insurance, so I made an appointment not really feeling the need to drive all the way to SC just to have a quick checkup. Makes sense, right? So I tell her that I won't be driving up for that very reason. All of a sudden, her side of the call goes silent and I feel the dread building inside of me... She askes me, "Are you not going to have the baby up here??" Um, hello? Why would I have my baby in SC if I could have it here, in FL, where I live? I tell her this and she gets all huffy in her pissed off way telling me, "I hope you know what you're doing." This not only stuns me, it pisses me off. Of course I know what I'm doing, I'm going to have my baby here, in FL, at one of the best women's hospitals in the nation! Do I know what I'm doing? YES!! She stayed quiet after that and so I ended the call... I called her again today to discuss my swollen feet and first off she didn't answer her phone, my Dad did... I can just picture her seeing my name on the caller ID and refusing to answer it... I did talk to her and she was all snobby to me telling me to ask my doctor about it... *rolls eyes* When is she going to realize that I'm a grown up and I make my own decisions and just because she wants one thing doesn't mean she gets it? Why does she have to make such a big deal that I'm down here, that I'm doing my own thing? I'm 26, married and pregnant, doesn't that kinda give it away that I can make my own decisions in life? Doesn't it? Or is it that she wants to control my life the way she does my sisters? It's so frustrating, especially b/c this is supposed to be a happy time in my life. I'm supposed to have her full love and support! Egh, like I needed this... I won't be seeing her until Christmas, maybe it'll give her some damn time to get over herself... What do you think? Sorry there aren't any breaks in my post, my keyboard is being bitchy and refusing to allow me to add them... Have a great week!

Is this where I saw OHM?

2006-11-21T09:55:00.000-08:00

This morning I had my first yoga class. It was really nice, a small class full of pregnant women who were so friendly and full of advice. I truly enjoyed it... my only problem was that when it came time to meditate I couldn't concentrate. While the music playing through the room was soothing and calm, I found myself focusing on the sirens that where driving past, or how hungry I was and that I was happy that the bagel shop I love was right now the street... or I was thinking about this or that.

Besides that, the poses were helpful and I had a great time. Any suggestions on how I can focus on that whole meditating thing and not on my next meal? :)

Baby Yoga

2006-11-20T13:40:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited! Tomorrow is my first day of Prenatal Yoga!! It's been something I've been putting off, but the lack of friendly support around here has driven me to get off my lazy ass and sign up. My class is tomorrow morning @ 10:00 and I hope I meet some really nice people. :) I've even purchased my own sticky yoga mat (I got it on sale!) and am washing my stretchy pants as we speak.

I'm ready to stretch and be relaxed. :) :) :)

Wish me luck!

Decisions, decisions...

2006-11-19T13:42:00.000-08:00

Today Mr. SuZ and I went looking for a place to live... property, house, townhome, whatever. We're ready to buy buy buy! We stumbled upon an advertisement in the paper about condos in a neighboring city and decided, why not... so we drove on over and were pleasantly surprised. Yes, it's one of those nasty converts from apartments to condos, but the whole property was nice to begin with, making it a condo just made it better. So we toured four units and all of them were very nice. They had two models with the whole upgrade package which I loved... but the upgrades took your price up 6K to 8K!

ECK!

Mr. SuZ said he could do all the work for me if I really wanted the upgrades that bad.

Speaking of bad, the one that is the cheapest is on the 3rd floor and is only 1/1... Now, you all know we have a baby on the way but honestly, does a baby really need her own room? Especially when you're buying this condo (if we buy it) as a layover until we find the property that we've been dying to get our hands on?

The whole condo is charming and while I have my eye on the most expensive of the bunch, I'll make the sacrifice for the smaller, cheaper, non upgraded one, if it makes Mr. SuZ happy... plus, I'll do anything to get out of living with my relatives at the moment... not that they aren't fabulous or anything, a girl just needs her space (especially when she's preggo!)...

So, we're still discussing the details, but Mr. SuZ seems up for living in a condo... We, of course, need to discuss this idea with our two dogs and see if they would mind giving up 24 acres of freedom for a cramped apartment... Hmmmmm.

Tomorrow we'll contact our mortgage broker and see if she can provide a better deal than the condo company is providing... I wonder if everything goes well if we can move in ASAP? Or do you think it's a standard 30 closing period? If it is, then that puts us moving in right at Xmas...

What do you think? Does it sound good?

Oh, on a side note we went and saw jet funny cars last night and while they hauled ass past me at 300 mph, my daughter decided she didn't like the vibrations and pitched a kicking fit inside of me... :) Feisty little booger, I tell you.

Have a great weekend, or what's left of it.