Venturing Out Into The World
On my first adventure out into the world alone with my baby, my body had a persistent sheen of sweat on it the whole time.
It was a trip to the doctor’s office for her two week checkup. I dressed her in a cute summer dress, double checked the diaper bag for all the essentials and loaded her into the car seat.
The drive that normally took fifteen minutes ended up taking thirty minutes as I drove so cautiously it boarded on being ridiculous. I was slow as molasses, constantly checking my mirrors as my hands wrapped around the steering wheel in what only could resemble a death grip.
After finally making it to our destination, I sat in the lobby praying that my daughter wouldn’t scream and if she did, how would I comfort her?
Sweat trickled down my back in fat drops as I struggled to hold my girl, her blanket, spit cloth and pacifier.
When they called us back and the nurse told me to strip her down to her diaper, I awkwardly fumbled to get off her clothing. My hands shook as my anxiety rose.
Under the nurse’s watchful eye, my inabilities felt like they were magnified. I felt inadequate and when she left the room, I collapsed in tears fearing I’d never get the hang of being a Mom.
I feared I could never undress my daughter without provoking tears. I believed I could never properly diaper her or soothe her.
All these inadequacies jumbled down upon my shoulders weighing a ton, making me feel like the world’s worst mom.
I couldn’t even stop her tears on the long drive home.
Fast forward five months and our tune has drastically changed. I have absolutely no hesitations, no reservations, and no doubts.
Time has given me super-mommy powers. I can get clothes on (and off) my daughter in lighting speed, I can soothe her tears, make her laugh and transport her anywhere without a death grip on my steering wheel.
Being a mom takes a lot of strength, patience and love. With time all the traits are honed to perfection and all you’re left with is love and devotion to your child.
